The chest felt too tight.
Each breath, a thousand shrapnel
right into the lungs
When does breathing become so hard?
The azure sky, blue droplets, then
I ascended to darkness, nothingness.
The pictures, the moments, love, loss;
leave me not my vision.
Falling into the deep.
There was a brightening,
awakening, warmth in my left ribcage.
I relished smiles and rainbows.
The thread pulled me back to the top.
I was floating around, aimless;
the shore was there, or was it?
There are plenty of wrongdoings that we know of, yet pretend not to know, avert our vision to perfect sights so that we can sleep better at night, suppressing our guilty conscience and pleading plausible deniability to ourselves. Once or twice in a year, there come some waves causing an unconcealable splash in the waters, forcing us to face the reality. This time a south Indian (Malayalam) movie named The Great Indian Kitchen directed by Jeo Baby, has caused a huge sensation all over India.
This movie is all about the Indian Kitchen. There are films in which kitchens are shown as those perfect tidied up spotless spaces where women possess the art of cooking and delicious items are happily prepared. The audience senses the belongingness. She is far away from the stress of office deadlines, headaches and whatnot. She is happy, she is where she’s ought to be. WELL, anyone who has set foot in the kitchen in the ungodly hours of manoeuvre knows it is NOT AT ALL the scene. It is a mess. Unwashed dishes in the sink. Sticky stains on the floor. Two hands and ten things to handle. It is overwhelming. House chores are as tiring and more boring than office works and less appreciated too. TGIK is a movie that’s may feel a little time lag, uneventful because that’s the life of the majority of Indian housewives.
The film starts with pennukanal (meeting of prospective groom and bride) where its clearly evident that they have not even considered getting acquainted with each other before marriage. The moment she enters her husband’s house, she is expected to become part of it. She has to leave her home behind, her comfort and her parents behind and none is going to console at her new home. Even a plant moved to another pot is given meticulous care for a few days!
As the movie progresses into it’s even more disturbing parts, minds start to fade a little into our backgrounds, our mothers are probably in the kitchen or amidst of any other house chores, their voices are not heard and faces are not seen. This is the shocking part. A little annoying sound in the back our heads reminds us that “this may not be your life, but surely it’s your mother’s life”. It is a hard feeling to shake, excuses like ” I don’t see her complaining or she loves doing these things” won’t get rid of them. Because we know that women were taught to live this way, that she’s brainwashed and subconsciously coerced into ‘being the good wife’. Does she ever get a holiday? Doesn’t her head also ache at the end of the day and have you heard her yelling for a cup of hot tea? Why isn’t taught to raise her voice even a little? Sacrifice her dreams and even herself for the family? I am not being emotional, maybe I am. The hell I am and I have every right to be!
The fact is that I just can’t express or put into words what this movie so exactly, without so many words, show us. All I know is that IT IS A MUST WATCH and not writing about it will kill me a little inside.
This movie is so well directed that in each scene, there are portrayed the patriarchal grip in the society. It’s hard to choose which one should be voiced against the most. The dowry system? The social stigma of menstruation, sex education, women’s sexual pleasure and desire? Inequality and subordination in marriage? Age-old barbaric traditions? …The list goes on
The past few months have been a rough path filled with thorns and rocks(for all the humanity undoubtedly). Melodramatically one could say that this must be what hell feels like. An eternity of suffering. But there’s now a general consensus that a lot of people have ‘found’ themselves these days. A modern-day enlightenment one can say. And I, of all the people had one of it’s kind just a day ago.
I was having the third wave of despair in the middle of the day, and it made me think of the times when I actually felt happy and content. I felt horrified by the fact that it was a long time ago. I find myself very similar to the pre-vampire Bella Swan. She had this envelope of gloom around her. She always finds that one reason to be miserable among the thousands of brightest things. So do I.Was I happy when had almost everything? A job, social security, a nice bunch of people around?Nope. I was troubled by not having a passion to pursue, not having ‘someone’ in life, not having the life I dreamt. Okayyy.This popped a question in my mind.Why didn’t I appreciate life when it was vivid?
It’s a human trait. That was the ultimate answer. Only when we screw up everything, we will see the pretty portrait of what our lives used to be once. Too late to retreat. I don’t want to be that way. I don’t want to live not knowing the beauty of living. I quit quitting on my life. And here’s how I plan to do it.
I am Mediocre and I am fine with it.
Cliche is my middle name😁
‘Know thyself’ is something that you’ve heard plenty of times. Still, a great point though. I know that I am not the smartest or prettiest person in any room(tallest, maybe). Nevertheless, I am confident of who I am. We are living in a world where competition is as cosmopolitan as cockroaches. It’s everywhere. Sometimes it gets marketed as the essence of the world.One more ‘survival of the fittest’ talk, I will go insane.Learn to accept who you are.That doesn’t mean to back out.Once you know where you stand,you will get a clear view of things.
Don’t be a pushover
I forgot the last time I said ‘no’ to someone. Sometimes I wonder whether I have a ‘people-pleaser’ chromosomes in my genes.I was overly proud about all the nice comments I got in my diary(yes, we had this as a farewell tradition) and almost – strangers calling me out of blue for favours.
I have tried my whole life trying to be a ‘nice’ person, pretending not to be bothered by things, saying ‘no-biggie’.The worst part is that,I never get chosen over someone who never does anything for them.
It’s never late to learn to say ‘no’ without backing it up with a 150 words explanation paragraph.Make some enemies,if you must.
Put yourself out there
Not as simple as putting an ‘open for business’ board,I know.
But life is too short to wait forever.How are you expecting to find the one if you are not willing to do what you should? If there’s anything you want to change in your life,try changing it.Work it out.If it’s something you are not in control of,go to our first step and learn how to live with it.
Stop fidgeting. Stop imagining the consequences (bad advice alert) and dreading over it.By putting yourself in that position you are only going to push your goals away.Keep calm and give your best
Past is in the past.Let it go.
Turn away and slam the door to your past.
Everyone has gone through embarrassments and no one walks on the earth who hasn’t made a mistake in their lives. Frankly, being embarrassed is the new cool. It’s kinda attention and applauds getting topic when it comes to chitchatting. So the next time you are in bed, wide awake, watching and reliving all the yucky moments of your life, remember that you are human and you are entitled to all the flaws.
Rome wasn’t built on a day.The same goes with enlightenment too.We all are different from one another.I am sure you don’t have the same horrifying food habits as I have.My tips to happiness may not be suitable for you.Instead of whining about your distress,find your own cure to it(I am a wise oak,aren’t I?)
“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path toward happiness, don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; Because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a deep breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.” – Rory Gilmore
Sometimes you see a certain thing,hear a certain song, or go through something and there,right in the middle of your busy day,you plunge into a certain memory.A beloved, long forgotten one.
You feel like you’ve travelled back in time, watching your younger self.There you see yourself laughing with them and you can clearly recall all those beautiful days.But couldn’t help but wonder where it all had gone wrong.The promises you’ve made,the scribblings you made on the desks,written in diary with special effects.The friendship bands, birthday gifts,all the secrets you shared that had the power to destroy your little world that time.
People say everything doesn’t last.I know.But I also know that,no matter how silly we were at that time,we loved each other.We cried and wept for days when it was the time for good-byes.
We maybe miles apart,not knowing what the other became into! It’s not about reconnecting out of the blue that I am talking about.Just to acknowledge the fact that,we have grown apart.But we were BFF at that time indeed.Sometimes forever isn’t infinite.It doesn’t have to be!
What’s up homies?(I know! It’s just few of my friends who know the existence of this blog are ever going to read this,still I had to)
Today,I thought of tackling an arena which is forever my weakness point.The romance.The eternal love.Nah,You should not question my command here.Since you wanted to know,I will tell you this.I have never been truly in love(I did feel something peculiarly similar though),but my authority lies upon the fact that I have been involved in many romantic relationships of my friends (not the way Raj is into Howie’s) and I have spent my entire life watching all the romantic films and series in the world.So shall we proceed?
Hon,are you one of the freaks who freaks out in the middle of the night worrying whether you’ll find love ever? You don’t spend your each waking moment thinking of the possibility of a romantic endeavour but,sometimes you just get this nagging thought ” What if you never come across a person whom you can truly love?”.I get it (this time,I really do).We are not living in New York in an apartment with our friends where we have this freedom to go on dates and meet and get to know people & finally settle for love. We are living ‘here’ with a mindset of ‘there’.It totally sucks, ain’t it?
So listen to me for few minutes.Have you all watched the films like SOTY,Jaane tu ya..Jaane na,Classmates the genre of Indian college romance and blah blah blahs? Though some aspects of the films are related to our lives, it’s not fully the way we live.It’s just fantasy.Pure fantasy.We have been believing and blindly following the idea of ‘love’ that was slowly rigorously fed into us.All the poems,novels are the product of the imaginative head of the creators.I am not saying that love doesn’t exist that way.I am STATING it.Love is not just about watching the sunset and holding hands.Its not just about Valentine’s day dates and stolen kisses.Look around.Its so universal.Everyone doesn’t romanticize their love.But they do love their partners. Like our parents do love each other in their own unique ways.It may not be our idea of love. But it’s definitely theirs.
I used to believe in ‘The one’. The thought of someone for everyone.The World is a huuuge place.You just don’t get the ‘one’ person and live happily ever after. You meet someone you can tolerate,with determination, patience and mutual effort that relationship grows into something wonderful.If it doesn’t work out, back out! There’s no readymade soulmate.You both carve each other into soulmates.We MAKE our soulmates. If it’s not true,I don’t care.I would love to believe so. This way I don’t have to depend on my so called fate. I make my own fairy tale!
There are a lots of epic and iconic things in the world.Quite a large number of them ,when it comes to entertainment genre especially.We quote the dialogues, some we watch on valentine’s day,some we play and dance to,some saved for the occasions when we’re feeling blue.
f.r.i.e.n.d.s is like the God making his creation meme, every single thing we want in a show added perfectly.You don’t have to have a specific mood to watch this one.You don’t need a special occasion to hit the play button.It suits for every emotion.And at the end of each episode you’ll feel good.too good.
I am totally addicted to this show,nah,these people tbh.This is the best show ever.If you’re feeling debatable,I can give you plenty of reasons why.But here are a few.
1.They make us laugh.
I know that not just friends,but lots of sitcoms are hilarious.With friends, it’s a bit different.Though their lives are completely different from ours, somewhere and somehow it feels comparable.When Chandler says ‘I make jokes when I am uncomfortable’ or when Rachel screams ‘I want to be a shoe’ or when Joey does this dumb things I could imagine me in their place.It makes me laugh harder.Don’t you feel the same way?
2.Holidays can be shitty,but it’s okay!
This may sound like a weird reason to love a show.But I have to admit.Saturday nights, Christmas and all the other festives are shown as a total awesome, looking-forward-to days in other shows.But not in this show.
Holidays are a mess for them.No date plans on a Saturday night,no kisses on New year’s eve and an epic trifle and bizarre confessions on Thanksgiving. Could it be any more perfect?
3.The chick and the duck
‘Hey duck.Is chick here?’
When I said chick and the duck,I meant them.Isnt theirs the most legendary bromance in the history of tv shows? They are adorable.Of all the friendship in friends, Chandler and Joey’s (Chanoey sounds like serial killer’s name,So I am staying awayyy from it) is my favourite.
They totally get each other.Don’t you remember when Chandler got trapped in an atm vestibule with Jill Goodacre,and Chandler talked to joey in coded language? My personal favourite is when Chandler says ‘Your thoughts!!!Plural?!’.
4.It’s okay to be imperfect
friends taught me that,you don’t have to strive to be perfect.Keep improvising,but a little imperfection is all okay.
Each of the characters are flawed in their own way.But that doesn’t stand in way of accepting and loving them.Monica’s itching need of perfection, Rachel’s spoiled ways, Phoebe’s wierd beliefs,Ross’s holier-than-thou attitude, Joey’s goofiness,Chandler’s awkwardness makes them ‘them’.Real friends will see it,and will love you anyway
5.Thereis no ‘norm’
What is considered to be normal?Getting employed at 25? Getting married and having children before thirty?f.r.i.e.n.d.s shows us that there’s no norm.Phoeb’s surrogacy,Rach’s single motherhood,Mondler’s baby adoption, Joey’s not stressing about being single,Ross being okay with not marrying mother of his child.Life doesn’t have to be the way society expects it to be.
Not that it can be implemented as easily as it is in where I am living,but they speak volumes!
6.This is the life we want.
What’s the most sought after question ever? It’s something like or something that rhymes with ‘what do you want in life?’friends sums up this question.I can’t speak for the whole humanity,but don’t most of want to live like them?
Living in an apartment surrounded by your chums, finding love of your life,little happy things like having a spot to spend times together, having a bunch of very unique yet fitting like pieces in a puzzle friends, etcetera.It may sounds too plain.But it is something we can look forward to have in our lives.
The list can go on.But,Brevity is the key(not that it’s my forte).
It must be easy when I grow up Just to know what I want. To be sure,to be just and precise. Not waking up in the morning and feel utterly lost. To be able to control your feelings, emotions,to say No and not to feel guilty. To pack your things and walk away. To jump in to the mess you’ve made and fall irrevocably in love. Let yourself ruin and be ruined. Spoiled,messed up,Flawed and screwed up. But to completely unashamedly own your own mess.
Right now I am sitting in my office, waiting desperately for a miracle. An hour ago I grasped the fact that I have an absolutely ordinary life without any kind of dramatic up and downs! And it is soo devastating!
What we have heard so far?…My Insta, Fb and every other social media feeds are filled up with the stories of people going abroad for vacations, friends getting married, lovers going through break – ups and their ever happening lives are making me heated up! Here I am reading the ‘The subtle art of not giving a f**ck’ (which is btw a must read book) and not doing anything particularly so called amazing things at all whereas Sasha Pieterse just got married, Modi has hiked the petrol price and boy next door has found love of his life. Ugh!
This is why I am posting such a shitty article..Just to do something for doing something’s sake! I am not saying I want some elephant sized bad things to happen. I would have welcomed disasters. Constancy pisses me off!